Sunday, February 1, 2009

swallowed by plaid and cowboy hats

Waking up this morning to whir of country music mixed in with that horrid applebottem song was not what I expected last night as I headed toward Denison, TX to hang with my mother and her friends.

Lets go back in time... shull we?
I got myself put together and prepared for a night of fun and such with me mums. We showed up at Cutters, a private bar of class and sophistication. Walking in, I realize that my perception of the night was about to alter greatly...
I was swallowed by a pool of plaid, cowboy hats, and perhaps the smell of cow manure...? The live band was covering a classic of Jovies Dead or Alive.. and as horrible as they were.. I was hopeful that perhaps the night wasnt lost in shit-kicking oblivion..


Well, I was wrong. They played strictly countr.. Garrett set up our tab and I started on my first Malibu and DrPepper. She even added a cherry! I watched the dancers, ages from 30-60 scurry by in amazement that this STILL actually happens outside of movies... Mom finds us a spot and we soon settle in near the pool tables.

We took an empty table and the merriment began... After one game I could tell my mother had had a few to many beers and was trying to show off. Soon a girl challenged her game and when mom beat her.. her sorry losing boyfriend AKA:the self named "pool shark" challenged and also got beat.
Poolshark also was missing several teeth, was offended by garrett saying his hat(adorned by a longhorns logo and fishhook) looked silly, and then said he only lost because of.. well I couldnt understand the snaggle tooth at that point so I didnt quite catch that.


After they left in a haze of embarresment... it was starting to set in.. This was not going to be a great night. I smiled though, continued drinking my third M&DP and ate the cup of cherries my mom bought me. I guess she felt a tiny bit bad for knowingly dragging me somewhere that I had moved hundreds of miles away just to escape. So, I just sat in the corner and pretended I wasnt there...





Skippng a few details, fast fowarding to the bathroom. I walk in and discover stahls of wood.. much like horse stahls in a barn... inside there are built in ashtray holders... classy, right? Not to mention the urine on the floor.
Then as I'm washing my hands a women runs in with her pase' and declares "woo! Im about to clear this place out!" followed by what could only be described as the longest fart I've ever heard. I ran out as fast as I could.


I get back to discover my mother booty dancing.. oh yes... booty dancing. I guess in this time the country cover band had wrapped up and they had started to play the general club music. I wanted to puke and choke and stab my eyes out at the same time. Telling her that it was time I left, she said she had fun. Of course she did, she probably doesnt remember half of the night.. I grabbed my bag and set off to make my own fun at home with my fiance.


Last night made me realize something though...
I'm not the type of girl that goes out, gets stupidface drunk, booty grinds on random people, makes a complete fool of myself and then goes home to brag about it the next day. I'm happy staying in, playing nintendo and hanging out with my friends.. and I'm quite proud of that.

Signing out,
Tiffany

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